Self-Sabotage: 5 Signs and How to Work Through It

Most of us have had moments where we set a goal, felt motivated, and then… somehow got in our own way. Maybe it’s putting something off until the last minute, talking yourself out of opportunities, or slipping back into old habits. That’s self-sabotage—something many people experience, especially when juggling work, family, and your own goals.

At Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling, we provide online therapy in Massachusetts to help people recognize these patterns and learn new ways to move forward. In this blog, we’ll cover five common signs of self-sabotage and share strategies that can help you create real, lasting change.

What is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage happens when your thoughts or behaviors interfere with your own goals. On the surface, it doesn’t always look intentional—you might think you’re protecting yourself, avoiding stress, or staying safe. But over time, these patterns keep you stuck.

At Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling, we believe therapy should provide real tools for real change. Identifying these self-sabotaging patterns is one of those tools. Once you can name them, you can start taking small, consistent steps to break free.

5 Signs of Self-Sabotage

1. Procrastination

You know what you need to do, but you keep putting it off—whether it’s applying for a new job, starting an exercise routine, or addressing conflict in a relationship. Procrastination often comes from perfectionism or fear of failure. For adults with ADHD, procrastination can feel like a constant battle between intention and action.

Therapy connection: In ADHD therapy and anxiety therapy, we often see procrastination tied to overwhelm. Cognitive techniques such as breaking big tasks into smaller, manageable steps, paired with behavior activation, help create momentum.

Reframe: Instead of waiting for the “perfect” time, focus on the next step, not the whole staircase.

2. Negative Self-Talk

The inner critic can be louder than any outside voice. Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess this up,” or “It’s too late for me.” These thoughts may feel true, but they’re often distorted and rooted in past experiences.

Therapy connection: In therapy for women and therapy for men, negative self-talk is a core focus. For women, it might be tied to cultural pressure to “do it all.” For men, it often shows up as pressure to perform or avoid vulnerability. In both cases, cognitive restructuring—challenging and reframing these thoughts—helps replace criticism with self-compassion and clarity.

Reframe: Ask yourself, “Would I speak this way to someone I love?” If not, why do you speak this way to yourself?

3. Avoidance

Maybe you avoid tough conversations, bills, or even therapy itself. Avoidance feels good in the short term—it lowers anxiety temporarily—but it reinforces fear over time.

Therapy connection: In anxiety therapy, avoidance is a hallmark. It keeps people from living fully and engaging with life. Therapists at Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling use exposure strategies and behavior activation to help clients take small, deliberate steps toward what they fear.

Reframe: Each time you face what you’ve been avoiding, you teach your brain you’re capable of handling it.

4. Overcommitting

If procrastination is one end of the spectrum, overcommitting is the other. You say yes to everything—work projects, social events, volunteering—because slowing down feels uncomfortable. Overcommitting can be a way of distracting from deeper issues, but it usually leads to burnout.

Therapy connection: For high-performing adults, especially parents juggling multiple roles, overcommitting is a common form of self-sabotage. In therapy, we often look at what drives this pattern: fear of disappointing others, perfectionism, or avoidance of stillness.

Reframe: Saying no isn’t selfish. It’s an investment in the things that matter most.

5. Self-Medicating with Unhealthy Coping Strategies

From scrolling late at night to drinking more than usual, many people cope with stress in ways that provide temporary relief but create long-term problems. These behaviors often intensify anxiety, disrupt sleep, and fuel cycles of shame.

Therapy connection: In therapy for anxiety, ADHD therapy, and therapy for men and women, we explore how these habits are linked to emotional regulation. Behavior activation strategies and mindfulness techniques can replace short-term numbing with long-term healing.

Reframe: Instead of asking, “How do I stop this habit?” ask, “What need is this habit trying to meet, and how can I meet it differently?”

Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage

Recognizing self-sabotage is only the first step. The real work happens when you:

Shift your mindset: Learn to challenge distorted thoughts and replace them with realistic, compassionate ones.

Use cognitive tools: Cognitive restructuring and mindfulness can help reframe how you see challenges.

Practice behavior activation: Taking action—even small steps—helps you build momentum.

Focus on consistency over intensity: At Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling, we remind clients that lasting change comes from small, deliberate steps over time.

Why Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling is Different

In Massachusetts, there are thousands of therapists. What sets Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling apart is our philosophy: Real Tools. Real Change.

We integrate mental health therapy with lifestyle changes—movement, sleep, nutrition, and social connection—because research shows they go hand in hand. We also understand that many of our clients are professionals, parents, and adults who want therapy that is both deep and actionable.

Self-sabotage doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’ve developed patterns that once helped you cope but now hold you back. Therapy provides a space to untangle these patterns, experiment with new tools, and take steps toward the life you want.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re trying everything and it’s still not working, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with the same barriers—and many people also learn how to move past them.

At Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling, we believe the path forward is built on small, consistent steps that lead to real, lasting transformation.

Schedule Your Free Consultation

Don’t let self-sabotage hold you back. Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling is here with compassionate Massachusetts therapists ready to support your next step forward.